I’ve finished my second round of chemo and I’ve been recuperating. This round has been different from round one (which was much more difficult). It got me to thinking how much of a roller coaster this has been, so far, and it’s only just beginning.
When I was younger I loved roller coasters. I mean loved them. We lived near Atlanta and Six Flags is there. I would ride the coasters 3 or 4 times every time we would go to park. I loved the exhilaration of the climb to the top and the whoosh and excitement of the drop, the thrill of the lift in my seat, all the time knowing that I was safely locked down by the bars and seat that held me, the calm of the ride coming to an end and then being off the ride and looking back up at that huge coaster, knowing I had conquered that fear and then going on to the next one.
My life has been similar to those rides. The thrill of the climb, getting to the next place with my career or family. The whoosh of the accomplishment, the calm of the finish and then looking back, knowing I had slayed it. Some would say “you’ve always been a risk taker” or “you’ve overcome all the other challenges in your life” or “you don’t give up easily”. I’ve also realized that I chose to ride those coasters. I chose to get in the seat and be strapped in and I also knew I was safe because I trusted. I relate that seat on those coasters to God. I willingly chose God. I let God hold me. I let Him keep me safe. I trust Him.
Right now, this life roller coaster is breast cancer. Every treatment is a climb. The downward whoosh of the drop and swirl of a loop are the two weeks following. Sometimes, there is that quick, short drop just before another gigantic drop of what seems like the longest, sharpest gut-wrenching twist in the entire ride.
Although I trust God, this is still the greatest fear I have ever faced. This is one ride I could have chosen to go through life not riding. There is huge difference in choosing a life obstacle to conquer and having a life obstacle chosen for you. How do you move through? A friend shared this with me … Surrender.
Surrender to God. Surrender to the pain. Surrender to sleep. Surrender to help. Surrender to the not knowing. Surrender to the anger. Surrender to the tears. Surrender to the love of others. Trust the process. It is not easy. It will challenge every fiber of your being. When it’s the absolute toughest, remember God has you strapped in and is holding you so tight that He won’t let go. He is keeping you safe. You will get off this life coaster, look back and know you conquered it.
The other most significant part of this ride is the person sitting next to me. You too have chosen to get on this coaster with me. You are my friends, my family, my co-worker, my clients and my angels. I have many who have stepped up and been there when the going has gotten tough. You’ve held my hand, let me cry, let me scream and let me be me. You have helped me look deep inside myself to find who I really am. You have watched me grow and support my business, which has been a dream for a long time. Without you, there would be no posh daisy. You have fed my soul by letting me help you feel beautiful or walk on clouds. For this I cannot thank you enough.